Criterium International

Owing to a slight mishap with the recorder not knowing about British Summer Time, we came in at 37kms to go, with a three-man break up the road, containing a Leopard. "Who is that?" said LLB. I rolled my eyes: I still haven't quite committed to RadioShack as a team, so I don't actually know all their riders off by heart at 50 paces.....

"No idea," said I, cheerfully and unrepentantly - look, I'm studying for a botany qualification at the moment, I'm on a schedule, and I only have a limited number of memory  modules available. They are currently stuffed with botany information, and I can't spare any for learning cycling facts, particularly when, as mentioned, I'm not yet entirely committed to the team. (NB: send me a RadioShack musette and cap, RadioShack team, and I may yet be converted.)

"I don't recognise him," said LLB, "he must be a Shack rider. You wouldn't know them, would you?"
"Nope," I replied, "It's probably someone like George Bennett, I'd never heard of him before checking the start list."

Guess who it was? Yes, George Bennett.  Who, incidentally, is nowhere near as old as you would expect a Shack rider to be - remember those rather harsh criticisms of Shack as being a team full of "old" riders? - and he appears to be trying to take the Steffandenneffall prize for mad hair. Check the website! 

Andy swims into view as the camera bike rolls slowly backwards through the peloton. "Hi, Andy!" I chirp. LLB raises eyebrows. "It's Frankie, isn't it?" he says. Oops. Just trying to prove that I'm completely cured of Andyholic-ness, see, I can't even spot the difference any more. Er hem.

This is the third section of the Crit, by the way: Eurosport only managed to get us coverage of the second day,  although it's possible that we missed the catch-up of the first day. And our commentators today are Carlton Kirby - who gets a lot of flack on the forums, but I like him, actually - and Rob Hayles, who I like very much. He has a really laid-back style, and that rather flat Essex-boy accent, but what he says is always interesting and accurate. Him and Magnus Backstedt are, I think, my favourites.

Rob gets a big thumbs up from me by referring to Lay-o-pard Trek, ha ha, instead of RadioShack - glad to see that the professional commentators are still calling them by the wrong name! Interestingly, I am sure that it's because the kit is so close to the Leopard kit. If they'd gone with just red and black, I'm sure we wouldn't be making that mistake.

The three-man break is still away, but I'm beginning to think that George "Who?" Bennett isn't pulling his weight, as I haven't seen him go through and take a turn at the front yet.  Just as I say this to LLB,  whoops, he's dropped! Bad luck, Who, but it was a brave effort.

At 12k to go we start the hill: oh look, there's Luke Rowe in the White Young Rider's jersey, he seems to be making heavy weather of it. In case you're wondering who Luke Rowe is (And God cried out to Luke, saying "Luke! Luke!" but Luke never luke-d and fell down a hole.) (Pun on looked/luke-ed, you have to say it in a northern accent for it to work.)  (Alternatively: And God cried out to Luke, saying "Come forth! Come forth!" but Luke came fifth and won a teapot.)

Sorry, where was I? Luke Rowe: young rider with Sky, we saw him making his track debut at Revolution recently (a big track event in the UK, saw it on LLB's TV when there was no other cycling to watch and we were desperate to see anything on two wheels without an engine) and he was really promising, and kinda cute. In a "put him on a keyring and take him home" sort of way. Now I don't want you to think that I have a "thing" for wee lads, but he was so enthusiastic about his first proper outing for Sky: it was very sweet. So I was pleased to see him on the road, and very pleased that he was wearing the White Jersey. Go, Luke!

At 9km to go, Frankie is suffering: he's not quite pedalling squares, but he's being dropped by the bunch, and Rob Hayles comments that he shouldn't ride with his jersey open all the time, it acts like a parachute and slows him down. Are you listening, Frankie? Zip up!

Sadly, no Leopards -oh, I beg their pardon, RAdIOshACk riders - made the podium, but Monfort made 6th in the GC overall, which is pretty good, and Sky did better to get 3rd and 8th.  Mind you, the podium was no big deal as the podium girl took "dress casual" to the denim limit, as she was wearing jeans with faded knees, and high heels. My dear, so "essex".  Good thing they weren't white stilettos, eh? She was also a very unenthusiastic kisser - even Carlton Kirby made a comment about her "giving him the cheek" when handing over the flowers.  LLB and I speculated that perhaps they hadn't managed to get a proper podium girl, or maybe the stomach bug struck again, so they had to rope in some local girl at the last minute?